Rocking it like I was 11

I'm going to keep this somewhat vague today- but it is true. You'll see why I'm being fairly mum as you read the story.

There's someone with whom I am acquainted- we'll call him 'A Whole.' He knows Johnny X.

He and Johnny X were having an issue via text when I got thrown into the middle of it by A Whole.

Mr Whole is in his mid-50s, and has not been particularly successful in life.

So Mr Whole started calling me a 'p*ssy' and saying I didn't have the guts to see him face to face, and that he wanted to fight me if I weren't scared.

For once Zjabs wasn't instigating anything- he was just minding his own business. This is a long-standing issue that Mr Whole has with Zjabs- Zjabs doesn't generally think of Mr Whole other than with pity (Mr Whole is someone who is always right no matter what, even as his actions negatively impact others and himself. And Mr Whole takes no one's advice- and should someone try to set him straight, he just writes that person out of his life as how can anyone tell Mr Whole he's wrong?)

But when Johnny told him about this exchange (right after it happened), Zjabs started laughing. Zjabs is in his late 40s, and he's not going to get in a fist fight with some 50 year old in a parking lot. That's just pathetic- and calling me a 'p*ssy' although fodder for a column is just hilarious. Like I am supposed to react and say 'oh yeah, I'll show you...'

Finally after a few minutes of berating, Zjabs had had enough and told Johnny to text the following (which to his credit Johnny did)- 'Zjabs is not going to fight you as he's a lover not a fighter. Should you however choose a different path and hit Zjabs, Zjabs WILL hire a lawyer and sue you, and Zjabs will then get both of your dollars.'

Oddly, this logic did not calm Mr A Whole down but further enraged him. So much for the Nobel Peace Prize.

-Zjabs (Rochester's Official Columnist)

PS If I answer your comments to this column, I've been able to avoid A Whole.

© 2017 Zjabs - 3/19/17


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