Which SHOULD have been the headline of the D&C the morning after the recent Mega-Millions jackpot. But alas, the paper has no sense of humor.
Like everyone else, I dreamed of winning. I even bought a few tickets as the risk-reward was so slanted in the favor of reward.
I learned that next time, if I plan on winning, I need to buy my tickets in Maryland as there is no requirement for the winner to go public! Which brings up the first problem of winning- I live in a bad neighborhood. I'm sure a lot of people keep their money in their house and thus would expect I would keep 680 million in the corner of my house as well. So the first thing I'd do after winning would be to sign the ticket. The second would be to get a safe location to keep the ticket.
Then I'd form some sort of LLC which would be a member of a second LLC which would be a member of a third LLC, etc- until the fact I'm a member of the LLC is pretty difficult to figure out. On the last LLC, I'd have Johnny X as a member as well. I'd sell off my assets to get cash (as I could always buy them back shortly) and have the LLC (acting through Johnny- or at least have him represent the LLC if he isn't a member- but trust me, I've met Johnny. He's a member) purchase a house for cash which I would then move into.
AFTER that, then I'd turn in the tickets (I'd also grow a beard and long hair for the press conference, have a baseball cap on, sunglasses- anything to hide my appearance).
THEN the fun would begin. One thing I would do is continue to go to public auctions. And I'd win every thing at an auction....except for a few lots. I expect that at some point, people would begin bidding me up on lots- so I'd be paying $4,500 for a broken TV (as people get vindictive). So occasionally....I'd bid things up and then drop them on people- in other words I can afford $4500 for a broken TV- but can they afford $16,000 for a paperweight?
I'd be a lot of fun with money....sadly I doubt it's ever going to happen. I'm not destined to be Mickey Sanders.
-Zjabs (Rochester's Official Columnist)
© 2012 Zjabs - 4/19/12
