Zjabs, inventor of over 3500 items including flash photography, EKG machines and the rubber band, writes a column daily on this site. He has won numerous Nobel Prizes, several in each category including the since discontinued "Nobel Prize for Auto Repair".

He is most famed for discovering the cure for cancer, as well as being the first white man to ever set foot in Montana. He has authored thousands of books, including War and Peace, the Bible, and My Pet Goat- one of the most fascinating books ever written as it can keep your attention no matter the circumstances.

A world-class chef and pilot, Zjabs made his film debut in Gone with the Wind, playing the parts of Rhett Butler and the maid. Showing his versatility, he went on to star as the lead in the Francis the Talking Mule series, as well as Herbie in the Love Bug movies.

Zjabs owns numerous sports records including hitting 757 home runs in a season, averaging over 100 points a game in the NBA and winning an unprecedented three marathons in one day.

Zjabs was the King of England from 1964-68 before retiring to his country estate in Yorkshire. He keeps busy by flying back and forth to the moon, as well as carrying out secret missions for the CIA. He was elected Pope in 2005 but turned down the position, citing the need to spend time with his family. In his spare time he climbs Mount Everest on his hands, as well as advising several world leaders. He has visited the sun many times.

Zjabs has a very large penis.

He also sells on eBay, so check out PAPERGOY on that site!