Tom Dey and Tales of the Wild West starring you
Tom Dey had spent days ridin' ole Buck through the shimmerin', blisterin' heat. Town up ahead. Tom was mos' glad bout that.
Buck slowly sashayed into the dusty, desolate town. Wasn't purty, wasn't ugly. Just was.
Very much an OPEN CARRY town.
Tom pulled up to the saloon. Swung the doors and a stepped inside.
Twas a man, mos,' powerful, leather skinned, squintin', chewin' a toothpick, leanin' gainst the bar.
"Hallo, sir, and what be your name?" says Tom.
Pause. Real long.
"They call me Growley."
"Growley! Surely you jest."
"Don't call me Shirley."
Tom sidled up to the bar, bought the house finest fire whiskey for Growley and himself.
"Growley, who's the fastest draw in town?"
"That be Z....jabs"
Just at that moment, Amnesiac, the worthless, gimpy mopboy, accidentally spilled a bucket of suds on Deadbeat Dad's ostrich leather boots.
Amnesiac stammered in horror. But twas too late for apologies. Deadbeat savagely beat the puny boy man. Wasn't nothin' new. Amnesiac got whupped daily.
Tom gets back to business.
"How do I hook up with Z. jabs?"
"He'll be here by and by."
Tom polishes off a few more shots.
Doors swings open. Tom already knows from his glittery attire that this man be Z. jabs.
Tom approaches the lightning wristed assassin.
"Looky, here, Z, I am here to tell you there's a new king in town."
Zjabs spits a load of tobackey juice on Tom's boots.
"Lez step outside", says Z.
The men step out into the main throughfare, stand back to back, and step off 20 paces.
They spin and draw. Zjabs is powerful quick, but Tom's Colt is already back in his holster. Z splats out like a Tarantino cowboy.
As always, after taking out a man, Tom has a hankerin' for a woman.
He approaches the house of loose women, where he is met by proprietor GD.
GD sizes up the customer.
"We got your tall ones, your short ones...."
"Short and hairy", interrupts Tom.
Tom finishes his business and climbs up on Ole Buck.
Tom and Buck stroll slowly out of town, another notch in his belt. He was feelin' right proud of hisself. All of a sudden, Rick, the orphan boy, runs up.
"Suh, suh, they's gittin' a posse together for you. They's unhappy what ya done to Zjabs."
Tom slaps Buck on the can, and bolts westward. Not far behind, an angry posse of 20 men pursue.
Posse closing in, imminent disaster, then, all of a sudden, wild scattered gunfire! Posse drops one by one, till they are all dead.
What the hell! Tom is stunned.
Tom dismounts, climbs the rock ledge, and looks around.
A big smile creases his face.
There, in the near distance, stood former Vice President Dick Cheney, afirin' away. Mr. "Wild and high" was threatenin' everything but his target.
'Splained the dead posse.
Tom turned away and rode into the sunset.
Scene fades. Finale music from Django Unchained plays.
Note- apologize for either using your name, or not using your name, not sure which.
© 2015 amnesiac - 1/18/15