The sleeping psychiatrist revisited

My therapist looks at me.

'Greg, you simply must see Dr. Ferber. He's the best psychiatrist this side of the city. Yes, it's a bit of a ride, but he's well worth it.'

So I drive to Rockland County, New York, to see Doctor Ferber.

The dude is incredibly old. But I am fine with that, at first.

Doctor Ferber leads me through many tricky childhood memories, and seems to have some pretty good insights.

Then I hear a familiar sound. I look over at the doctor and he is sound asleep, and he is snoring loudly.

I look at my watch. 40 minutes to go, at a hundred forty dollars an hour, uninsured!

' Doctor, I never told anyone this. I stabbed my mother when I was 12.'

Zzzzzzzzzzz.

' And Dr, I have 40 young boys buried in the crawl space of my house.'

Drool.

Then I began to wonder if the doctor secretly taped the sessions. So I shut the hell up.

Sat for the rest of the hour, silent. Left a check for $140 on his lap.

Came back the next week. Same !*&!@! Absolutely identical. Pissed away another $140. But it wasn't going to happen again.

Returned to my therapist, and she was so excited. She had to know how it went with Dr Ferber.

And oh how I told her.

Seeing as how I had to see a psychiatrist if I were to get medications, we finally found one that worked out okay. And the new one stayed awake! That was so much more than I expected.

Dr Ferber if you are reading this, send me a refund for $280, I could use the dough.

© 2015 amnesiac - 7/24/16


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