Wickedly naughty Aunt Amy

"Cousin Virgil had an affair with a cocktail waitress."

My 6 year old mind wondered "What is an affair and what's a cocktail waitress?"

Now, who said this is actually more interesting then what was said. The author of those words was my Aunt Amy, a Catholic nun. 

She wore a full habit, that was very much a part of nun attire in the 1950's.  Because she was an albino, she wore sunglasses, both inside and outside.

Anyway, Aunt Amy was not done.

" Cecilia is hooked up with a sugar daddy."

I had no idea what a sugar daddy was, to be honest I still don't.

How could she have been so incredibly wired? I mean, look where she lived. She was like a 1956 version of social media, all by herself.

My dad would sit across from her, legs crossed, nodding, saying nothing. I would occasionally stray around the convent, but whenever I came back, there were always more juicy tidbits.

And oh, how she loved the naughtiness of it all. When telling these stories, she smiled an oh so wicked smile.

Years later  I wondered, as I often do, did the nuns exchange salacious stories amongst themselves?  After nightly prayer meetings, would Sister Martha Mary cover illicit affairs and sister Mary Agnes cover financial scandals ?

Visiting the convent was like entering the front door of the National Enquirer.

As late afternoon approached, dad and I piled into the Packard for the two hour drive home.

" Dad, what's an affair?" I asked.

 Long pause. " You don't need to worry about that right now, Greg"

You poor folks may have learned the facts of life from your parents or neighborhood friends.

I learned  some of them from Aunt Amy. I'm soooo ahead of you.

© 2014 amnesiac - 12/27/14


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