When will my son pick up the tab?
by amnesiac...Hudson Valley's finest

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# 1. 12/28/14 1:30 AM by Tom Dey - Springwater, NY
That's peculiar but all too common. I very frequently encounter the opposite pole where someone vehemently INSISTS on paying the tab...almost to to point of coming to blows! Circumstances where we would more logically share the tab or take turns if we go out occasionally together. Especially if it's friends...most often of similar financial status (although that should enter into it only in extreme cases). But if someone offers to "take you to dinner"...expectation is that they are offering to pay for it, of course. There have been such times where the check arrives and they spontaneously shrink to the size of a dot - so I pay. It's always the same people, so I know it's not an oversight...kinda like your son there. When I go out with friends from work, one gets the bill, does a little mental math "twelve dollars each covers it" and we pass the cash down. Generally those who had extra drinks or whatever will add more. My wife is Japanese...I swear they always are on the verge of drawing out Samurai swords to fight to the death for the honor of paying the bill! There was a spot on the News over Christmas where some psychology expert had her list of rules regarding gift-giving. One interesting one (which I agree with) is that it poor etiquette to OVER give because it will embarrass or make the recipient feel obliging. I think that's where the Japanese thing comes from...a strange form of "Winning!" My (Japanese) wife has that tendency...where most often her generosity comes out of my pocket...which is also a Japanese thing. I'm no racist or male chauvinist - just a realist. St. Tom - the generous...

Editor's Note: I go to breakfast with different guys who fight to take the check, every time...with my son, regarding his mother who i don't live with and lives in an assisted living facility, he is hugely generous with her, but i am very happy about that



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# 2. 12/28/14 7:48 AM by Tom Dey - Springwater, NY
Yeah, my bro lives in assisted living and we of course pick up the bill for entertainment. It's only later here in my own life that I see how friends and family have fared...and it's all over the map. I've come to the tentative conclusion that MOST people put on a pretty happy face as they eat the seed corn thru life with no Henny Penny to bail them out in the lean later years. And it's generally lack of responsibility rather than bad luck or circumstance...although only a few admit to it. But people can be thrifty to a fault as well. Some live pauper existence only to die with a fortune in the bank or the mattress. That seems obsessive Scrooge McDuck-ish to me. At least in his case, Huey, Dewey and Louie will be well provided for...probably off to Harvard, Yale and Oxford, provided they major in Finance...

Editor's Note: you forgot to include Duke University finance major, that would be my son...my neighbor died a pauper, or so we thought, he had 60 thousand in his mattress



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# 3. 12/28/14 8:12 AM by 104
I have always gone out to dinner with folks who were selfless and generous. It was a pleasure to be in their company as was it a pleasure to pick up the tab myself if that be the case. And then there were the times when the same skate would avoid his turn at the tab. Funny how, though no one is supposedly "keeping score", we all seem to remember who those individuals are...

Editor's Note: I am hoping that my son pays his share when he is with his peers..perhaps that is something i should have taught him



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# 4. 12/28/14 9:33 AM by 104
Fathers seem to always be the ones most critical of their own sons' behavior(s). Sometimes a son has the most difficulty in remembering all of the things that his father tried to teach him. There are so many.

Editor's Note: This is true, but i never taught him about picking up a tab, or tipping! Bad dad



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# 5. 12/28/14 11:35 AM by little john - Mount Morris, NY
thumbsup.gif I liked the column and the comments.

One of the hardest things I had to learn, was to let people reciprocate for my generosity after I was blessed by the VA...

Sometimes, letting someone, less fortunate,

"pick up the tab",

Is an immeasurable gift of spiritual generosity and adds to the dignity of that individual...

There are so many people who helped me, I can never repay. I just tell those I "have helped"; to

"Pay It Forward" with small random acts of kindness...

Food for thought at any table???

Editor's Note: one of the guys I do breakfast with is a multi millionaire. I always make very sure then I pick up every other check, there is no way I want money to be a difference maker between us. thanks for your comments




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