No doubt some of the more accomplished literary fanatics reading this will recognize my titles as borrowed from other authors.
I could have used "in but not of this world" which may have been a bit pretentious but like Holden Caulfield's sense of alienation, appropriate.
Some people manage to live their entire lives avoiding any self examination, Others pay psychologists and counselors or join organizations like churches that will act as social mirrors telling their members how they are seen or worse try to change them to fit a social mold..
Although I have often been attracted to counselors and role models ranging from professors of philosophy to astrologers, the ancient aphorism "The unexamined life is not worth living" continues to be a rationale for my intellectualism.
Some people are happy just going with the flow and seem to socially integrate well with their environment as a result.
I never have, hence the "stranger in a strange land" relate. In psychology the term is alienation yet my attraction to aspects of this reality and parts of it that draw me in indicates a need for something I represent to accomplish mutual objectives.
An early philosophy was demonstrated to me and continues to be part of my base whereas all is connected and interrelated. No matter what I become aware of I always consider its relative importance to the whole of my perception. The dots always connect to some degree.
I never felt a compulsion to write until the late 1970's. Apparently the "still small voice within" was beginning to get loud enough to overwhelm some social and psychological inhibitions for not writing or self expressing earlier in life.
Now "It" or more accurately I who am writing this speaks by writing for internet dispersion being appreciative of the afforded opportunity to connect with a world wide communication matrix.
That small voice now is speaking quite loudly!
Is it as Thorton questioned, a disease? (Michael Savage's quote mentioned Liberalism as a mental disease) Must I write? How is such an action classified that one judges the compulsion as "disease"?
If it is not an aspect of normality then yes I qualify since few have either the compulsion, ability, or will to put the words that express feelings down and let them be seen by others.
Some have such a need not to feel alienated that they will not risk being seen as not fitting in.
In one sense I know where and when I don't fit while still having been giving opportunities to serve. I am able to fit into very specific areas and render specific assistance both on a public and personal level to specific individuals. It is how I did my military service and earned money as a civilian.
One woman helpfully described my effect as she experienced it that I suspect is the same as experienced by some others. It caused her to actually join an organization I serve in order to emulate what she experienced.. She also realized the need to serve in the same way and did. I showed her the door; she opened it on her own and served the other side well. I Am no missionary or spokesman for the Rosicrucians since mysticism is not everyone's cup of tea or coffee. I find helping and teaching using what I was taught is the best way to make membership attractive to those interested in an alternative liufestyle.
I Am a "stranger" in many resects but not so unique an individual that I haven't recognized others as well as they recognize me as no accidental visitor in this reality..
I have confidence in the nature of who or what I Am. At a few points in my life others have acknowledged also knowing the role I serve for which I am appreciative as I do theirs.
The sad thing is that most others will never. It is not a matter of superior intelligence as I know many much smarter than I. It's a matter of seeing what is rather than what one's mind projects as a false layer.
One friend delights in her quest for truth yet attempts to do so within a system that discourages searches outside its parameters. She will find a truth of sorts and probably already has but so did the blind men who remained in one lace when they touched the elephant.
A search for truth requires risking the loss of illusion, not a simple task for most.
The relative comfort of being sustained by illusion is preferable to the fearful who realize that the Bible knew what it was talking about when knowledge (awareness of good and evil)was presented as a curse and a poor alternative to Paradise.
Although I Am not a person who considers the Bible as a repository of Absolute Truth I do recognize the Wisdom contained within it that has withstood the test of time.
I also recognize what Jesus taught in the brief period of time that was recorded for posterity showed as close a perfect comprehension of the human psyche that any teacher or prophet ever has been given credit for.
Jesus, Lao Tze and some other great teachers unfortunately have had religions grow in their name that bear little resemblance to the words these men spoke.
I can understand a religion using Jesus as an Icon but don't understand why few attempt to compare what was actually taught to how the inherited religion is practiced today.
Christians are aware of the story of Jesus throwing the money changers out of the temple since He was an observant Jew that considered His teaching as an extension of Judaism rather than a radical departure or alternative faith.
There is a reader of this website that has attempted to draw me into his reality as the compulsion in his life is to act as a shepherd of people. He sees everyone as candidates for his flock. That will probably not change in his lifetime.
He may or may not learn from the experience of reading what I write other than some "sheep" are black and his license is only for the white ones.
I continue to view the reality I experience as a "strange land" and know the body I occupy was designed to support my visit to this plane of the Cosmos.
The voice that speaks from within is the same as others who also are visiting here experience for I know that ultimately there is but One, infinite and eternal.
Voice is probably not the best word to describe the experience, at least my own version of it.
A though of feeling or emotion, wordless,but easy to attach words to. I realize others experience this same phenomenon differently yet the result is the same, an awareness that we are more than just body that casts shadows as we walk in the light.
© 2009 Matt 7:6 - 3/31/10