If I were John McCain, here's how I'd handle Iraq!

I would give the Iraqi people a choice. A vote like the Democrat's hero Muqtada al-Sadr wants! So here's your choice Iraqi people:

The United States of America really doesn't want to stick around any longer than we have to. But here's the rub you left wiping, non-TP using, ungrateful morons...

1) We can just leave. Like 5 minutes ago. The only way we're coming back will be in NBC and radiation detectors, but only after the wind is blowing just right over Iran if you "catch my drift". We wont suffer through another dysfunctional tribal blood bath, we'll just reduce you to ruble and then send in Haliburton to squeeze enough oil to get gas back to about $1 a gallon.

2) We can leave and the UN can take our place. We'd actually suggest that one for your sake. And, to sweeten the pot for you, we'll even go so far as to really, really, really lean hard on the UN to do a good job. If they don't we're kicking their behinds out of our country, pulling every cent out, and the Army will become the National Guard and we'll have safe borders overnight. We like that one.

3) You vote for us to stay and starting the morning after the election, every able bodied man is going to serve his country until the fighting stops. Nobody goes home, nobody goes or does anything but march around in the 130 degree heat with billy clubs and whistles, dragging trouble makers to Iraqi prisons (run by Iraqis of course) and getting the job done in a few months. Or else, see number 1.

4) You can vote for Barack Hussein Obama to be your President and see what kind of deal he cuts for you with Iran. I'm sure you'll be okay, millions of kool aid drinking Democrats seem to think so and besides, you all seem to listen to guys named Hussein!

Any way you pick it, we're making you pay us back for our trouble. Every soldier's widow get a big fat lifetime royalty check from the oil ministry, and you pay us back for every single dime we spent trying to help you idiots out. Or, see number 1. Either way. The Democrats said we did it for the oil, so why not? We'll take them up on it and yeah, we're going to take your stinking oil.

© 2008 Peter The Digi-Camo Technicolor Political Poet - 6/28/08

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