I loved helping dad.  I think all daughters are "daddy's girl".  We think we have them wrapped around our little finger, when in reality, we are wrapped around theirs and will do almost anything for our dad. 

The highlight of my childhood was driving the tractor. It was the kind, where you shifted on the fly.  I wasn't very good at driving the tractor, and within a couple of summers, I was replaced by my brother.  I was now my mother's helper, which seemed like a lot more work, and a lot less fun.  I remember feeling a little sorry for myself that I wasn't needed by my dad anymore.

I looked forward to long days of fishing and fun with my dad, but the older I became the less often those days came.  As I grew and learned about the facts of life, I was not thrilled I'd been born a girl.  When infact, I distinctly remember thinking I'd been short changed because I was born a girl.   Boys had life so much better.  They could climb trees better, run faster, drive farm equipment, hall hay, irrigate, their chests didn't get in the way of anything, and they got to go hunting.  It was like a club of really fun things that I would never be allowed to do!  The best I could do was climb trees with my brother and fish occasionally with my dad.

I didn't think much of my life as a girl, so I tried desperately to be a boy.  I enjoyed the company of boys more than girls. Boys would spit watermelon seeds, and say funny things. Girls whined and worried about who liked them.  I tried to be a boy and be in the boy's club. That didn't work out so well.  I loved recess because we would always play ball with the boys. Any kind of ball, football, basketball, dodgeball, or kick ball.    Short, slow and uncoordinated, I was always the last to be picked on any team. Actually, I was never "picked" for a team,  I was always the last person left standing when the other team captain would say, "you can have her too." 

I credited my lack of coordination on my gender, and foolishly believed being a boy would have been so much easier!  Everything would have been better, if I'd only been born a boy!

Learning about the facts of life, I couldn't imagine having children.  There was no way I was signing up for that girl chore!  I was simply going to adopt a bunch of boys, at least ten years old or older.  Boys were wonderful.  They were fun to talk to, they were fun to play games with,and I found a few boys that I didn't want to be, I simply wanted to be with. 

This made accepting being a girl a little easier. I consoled myself with shoes.  Yes, shoes.  Girl's shoes were about the only thing that  better for girls than boys.   I loved looking at shoes and watching what other girls wore.  My favorite kinds was anything high and strappy.  Little teeny straps and gigantic heels.  Another advantage I discovered to being short, I could wear very high heels and it was fun!

As I grew into my teens, I discovered a couple of things I liked about being a girl.   I really LIKED boys!   It didn't make much sense to want to be one anymore.   It took me a while to care about makeup or clothes. I was about fifteen when one of my neighbors asked why I didn't wear makeup. It never occurred to me that I needed it.

  I found some fantastic girlfriends. These are  still my nearest and dearest friends to this day.  I don't know how many people find a treasured friend in junior high and keep through all of their lives, but I did. The three most influential people in my teen years,  are still my best friends.

Being a girl didn't turn out nearly as bad as I imagined.

 Today, I heard some women discussing about what strength it requires to be a woman. I always wanted to be a boy so that I could be strong and tough.  I realize now, that I am stronger and tougher than I ever imagined possible.  Motherhood is a natural steroid that builds strength and determination in ways I could not imagine.

For instance, having one, two or three babies in diapers for eight solid years. Car seats, bottles, diaper bags, it was a lot of work now that I think about it.   Every Wednesday, I packed up my five kids and we'd have an adventure.  Many of our weekly adventures were  more like epic disasters, but we did it every week no matter what.  We drove all over Utah, and our favorite time was riding and talking in the dark.  My husband worked swing shift for a long time, so in the summer we could stay out as late as we wanted. One of our best memories was driving home in the dark looking at the nightsky. Every once in a while,  I  yearn to drive in the dark with the kids. 

 I've learned how to convince a seventeen year old boy  to want what I want him to, and how to help a fourteen year old have a very bad day without melting down completely.  I've kept control of a pack full of cubscouts at day camp.  And packed the trailer in record time for the boys to go hunting.  I've always had to use two  grocery carts.  It used to be one for the kids and one for the groceries, and now I just fill up two with groceries.

I thought being a boy would be terrific because I could have so much fun and I would be tough and strong.  I had no idea that being a mom would be wonderful and fun.  I couldn't imagine the strength required to remain stoic to help one of your kids finish something they want to quit.  I couldn't dream of the tenacity  required to help my kids work through their differences with one another, nor did I ever imagine how stubborn I would have to be to keep everything going and not quit when life was really in a downward spiral.  Bad days, good days, hard days and fun days, I could have never guessed what wonderment and joy life as mom would be. It may have taken me several years, but I am very very grateful I was born a girl.