Today I went to church with my daughter.  I had repudiated church for many many years, having been raised as a preacher's daughter in a church that did not believe in fun or joy or laughter.  Everything in our lives centered around 6 church meetings a week, constant Bible reading, never being able to access our parents who were always in communion with God, and never being allowed to hang out with anybody who wasn't 'born again'.  So, as soon as I got a chance, I sallied forth into the wicked world.

I think, though, that the topping on the cake back then was a good-looking, popular guy named Kurt.  He asked me to go bowling with him and his friends and Mom said absolutely not because there was beer sold in the bowling alley.  After that, I just kind of tuned out of religion.  I was young and never gave a thought as to why he would ask me, a girl who still wore puffed sleeves and wore her hair pulled back and no lipstick and certainly not nylons or pretty shoes, out on a date.  I have since come to realize that the one thing I did have was an overlarge chest, but, be that as it may, at the time I was flattered at first and then filled with everlasting anger at Mom.

When my husband died I went back to church.  I never heard a word the pastor said, what I wanted was to sit by someone and sing hymns.  I was so lonesome I could die.

Time passed, I sold my house and moved to a retirement community where I finally had friends, none of whom were 'born again', and life settled down for me.  Then my daughter asked if I would go to church with her and her fiancee.  At first everything in me shouted 'NO!', but after a while I thought that it would be nice to sit by someone and sing hymns. 

As of today, I have been going with her, and her fiancee when he's not golfing, for almost two years.  Today I heard the pastor when he spoke.  I took communion and I felt that God had forgiven me for my rebelllion, and when I came back to the pew and sat down, I told God that I'm sorry with tears in my eyes. 

And I could swear I heard Him say 'it's okay, because my eye has been on you all the time'.





© 2012 Just Lynne - 12/10/12

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