MY BLEEPING COMPUTER
Well, my computer was seven years old, it was slow, I often had to reboot it, so I said to myself, “Self, bite the bullet and spend some money and get yourself a new fast computer before this one bites the dust.”
So I did. A nice new computer with a wide screen and more memory and one where I didn’t have to worry about losing all my data if it crashed. Gosh, it looked nice on my desk, I had more space, no need for that big tower, even the printer that came with it was small and compact and black and beautiful. I was excited.
After my grandson set it up, I set to, first learning how to work the new email program. I am the email person in my community and I had important news to distribute – we were having our entrances and exits repaved, people needed to move their cars up to the school parking lots if they needed to go somewhere, and it would be four hours after they paved before we could drive on it. Okay, baby, let’s get this email out! It took me quite a while to set up the categories with names and addresses, but I kept my nose to the grindstone and got it done. BUT – I could not get the Blind Carbon Copy to accept the name of the category and so I couldn’t send it – the four hours was up and what was the point. I would work on that some more the next day. It was all a matter of learning Windows Live Mail. I gave it a last look before I went to bed – it was so beautiful with its wide screen and I was pleased as punch with that compact black printer – I had done good to get myself a new computer.
The next day I had a message that the Microsoft C++ Runtime Library asked to terminate in an unusual way. What the bleeping heck did that mean? Also I still couldn’t get into the BCC on that darn email – I couldn’t download Outlook Express which always did everything I asked it to, I didn’t need all that centering and justifying and other junque that came with Windows Live Mail, and I was unable to download all day. I shut the dern thing off and had a few sips of wine to calm myself. I told myself I was just learning, I had probably done something wrong, I would take a break from it for a few hours and watch Nancy Grace.
The next day it would not let me sign in – it said the password had to be reset. It took me quite a while to figure out that it was looking for a thumb drive, once I got that in it let me in to the internet. And I could at least download today. Still couldn’t use BCC which I had to use because several people on my list did not want their email addresses publicized. I hoped nobody would need something sent out. Couldn’t find a phone number anywhere on Live Mail to call so went to the internet and found it and called that number. An Indian guy said wait a minute, he would take care of it. He was gone for ten minutes, then came back and told me my computer had been hacked from outside the country and needed to be fixed, he said my networks were corrupted, and it was gonna cost me $39.95 per network for fixing. I objected, saying I didn’t have networks, this was a home computer, but he warned me that whoever hacked my computer now had access to my banking account and so on and so forth, $599.99 later I took time off from this nightmare to run to the bank and have that payment stopped.
Okay, so now I had been scammed and had fallen for it. I put it down to my general exhaustion with trying to get that darn computer to work. I now had six error messages floating across my screen and could barely see past them to get anything done. I wasn’t sleeping well at night. Something was wrong with my nerves and my stomach cramped all day long.
But the next day I took a long shower and got myself together and faced that wide-screen inhabitant on my desk again. Reset password, ran Norton to make sure I was okay, looked at another message informing me that the Windows temp tool had a file prevalence, ripped a chunk of my hair out, and called support. I said I had so many error messages I couldn’t see the screen anymore. I talked to two Indians who didn’t seem to know anymore than I did what any of that crapola meant. BUT a couple of the messages had disappeared so I hung up thinking maybe the stupid darn computer was healing itself.
The next day there was a problem with a color scheme message. Also when I took a break and went to Pogo to play Turbo 21, I couldn’t see the game it was so small. I learned that you had to re-set the monitor to change that. I did that and it worked but then the text on everything else was so small I had to dig out my magnifiying glass to read it. I had developed an overwhelming hatred for this stupid idiotic insane stinking monster on my desk. No amount of scolding myself about my lack of patience helped me get over wanting to bash this wide-screen in and beat the whole thing to a bloody pulp.
The last day, stomach cramping and hands shaking, I reset the password, ran Norton again thinking it had to be a vicious virus, naw, Norton found nothing but a couple of tracking cookies that it obliterated, I had a meeting to go to in a couple hours so I went to Lonsberry and read his column with my magnifying glass then went to take a shower and deal with what was left of my hair. When I came back there was another message on the screen – the internet wasn’t working. Dang damn darn, I was a wreck and had to go back to the bathroom and take a trank to stop myself from shaking and called support again and two Indian techs worked on it for a couple hours and the internet remained out in the cosmos somewhere and I couldn’t understand half of what those guys said and I broke down and cried and said “Tell me how to get rid of this blasted F..ing piece of stinking rotten junque” and they gave me a number to call and I did and got the FedEx labels sent to that lousy email program and my sister printed them up since I had no internet and the printer wouldn’t work and my son came over and we packed that nasty rotten computer and its printer up and my grandson came over and took the whole reeking pile of garbage to Fed Ex and it’s gone from my house and my stomach is calming down and someday my hair will grow back in I'm sure.
We have set up my old computer again and I hugged the darn old thing and went to Outlook Express and mailed stuff out with no problem and didn’t mind one bit that it took me a while to access the internet. I love my old baby to pieces. Long may it live!
© 2012 Just Lynne - 7/13/12