Once again I find myself waiting in line, this time at Gander Mountain buying water shoes. There are 3 lines and the line I am in is the slowest, by far. How can it be that I am able to pick the slowest line with unerring accuracy?
My discerning (not fussy) wife Pat and I get in the line that's moving. The very next person at the cashier would like to pay in drachmas. Ok, but we'll need to call headquarters to get the Dollar-Drachma conversion number. Please Wait.
We change lines and the very next person at the cashier would like to pay with a check from Nigeria. That's going to be a while. Please Wait. Change lines and the next person has a purse full of coupons from Dick's and could they please match the coupons and well, some of them are out of date and for a different model so we'll have to send someone back to the store and get the correct models that are on the coupon. Please Wait.
Fortunately I'm married and have a loyal spouse who points out that the original line we were in is now moving like lightning. Since this happens everywhere I go everytime I go out, it's seems normal to me.
I've since discovered that this is an elaborate plan to destroy me. Not that I'm paranoid. I've connected the dots and I see what happens. I get in line at a store. The cashier notices me and takes out his or her little bottle of Stupid Pills and takes 4 of them and now, well, the cashier doesn't understand. How do I handle coupons? What's the price of this item? The customer in line also has their own supply of Stupid Pills and gulps 5 down and Look Out. Is this the cash only line? I don't have any cash. Or: Can you explain some things to me like: Why are the Nike shorts $4 more than the Adidas ones? Oh, they're less? can you send someone back to get the Nike one? Oh, and I couldn't find any pink golf balls, can someone run back and get a sleeve of those?
To survive, I've found Giving Up to be the best weapon. Just give up. Once you've given up, then breaking even seems like a win and losing seems like a tie. Should you ever get in a fast line, it's the World Series. I guess, I don't really know. So, My advice for living.: Connect the Dots, then Give Up.
And Enjoy the Summer!
© 2011 Jamie - 7/11/11