Want to play Airplane Roulette? I just got back from a trip to Mobile, Alabama and played.  How do you play Airplane Roulette?  First you get a ticket and go to the airport and get on the plane as soon as you can.  Don't bother about zones and stuff like that.  Explain to the gate attendant that you're playing Airplane Roulette, they will understand.  Now you're sitting in the seat and watching people come down the aisle.  You're seatmate will be one of these people.  Who will it be? 

I'd say 4 out of every 100 plane passengers is REALLY fat.  I mean 'slop over the arm rail' fat.  Slop over their seat and into your seat fat.  So as you watch, you'll see a REALLY fat guy waddling down the aisle, breathing through his mouth.  He is ENORMOUS.  And he needs to squeeze himself into a coach seat.  Next to you maybe?  Maybe he's in the aisle.  Maybe he's in the middle, taking most of the 3 seats. 

If he sits next to you, BUZZZZZZZZ, you lose.  Thankyou for playing Airplane Roulette but you now have to get a Fat Massage for 2 or 3 hours from this guy's arms, thighs and whatever else slops into your seat space.

But then he passes you by.  A skinny old Grandma smiles and sits next to you.  Ding Ding Ding!!!!  You won Airplane Roulette and now have your entire seat to yourself and maybe even the armrest.  Unless Granny is a tough old bird and grabs it first.

Why does 100 lb Granny pay the same as a 400 lb Fatman?  Doesn't it take 4 times the fuel to launch his fat butt into space?  I wouldn't care but I paid for my seat and would like to use the entire seat, thankyou. 

Unless this guy would like to purchase part of my seat that he's already taking for the nominal fee of $500.  Not going to happen.  Hey, can we make it a crime for these guys to say 'I'm a big guy'.  No, you're a fat guy.  You can't say Big unless you can benchpress 250 lbs.

Well, enough of this rant.  But next time you're on a plane playing Airplane Roulette, remember, I didn't invent the game, I just play it.

© 2011 Jamie - 6/20/11