I met Lisa when I went to the dentist. She was my doctor’s secretary. I was having a problem with a wisdom tooth, and she was very sympathetic. She was cute, kind, and helpful, so I asked her out.
I took her to The Olive Garden for lunch one Friday afternoon. Everything was going fine for a first date: great conversation, she laughed at my jokes, etc.
She ordered the All-you-can-eat Soup and Salad, and she must have had at least eight bowls of soup and about four of those big salad bowls full of salad all by herself, and then she started shoving those bread sticks into her purse. She didn’t look like she ate like a pig, but, boy, could she put it away.
I took her out again for dinner one Sunday evening. I asked her where she wanted to go and she said The Ponderosa. Things started off fine at the all-you-can-eat buffet, but when she brought the stainless steel container full of mashed potatoes back to our table, I got mad and I yelled at her. She put the container back and she got over it. But then I went to the restroom, and when I came back and I saw that she had dragged our table over next to the ice cream machine, and she was eating vanilla ice cream off of a plate instead of a bowl, I walked out.
She ran after me, so I at least took her home, but she refused to take the chicken wings out of her purse and throw them away.
© 2006 Biff Remington - 1/17/11