Biff Remington, Model Citizen

I have combable ear hair!
I throw snowballs at the short busses!
I never buy the cheap windshield wiper blades!
I grow my own penicillin!
I buy goldfish and eat them in the store!
I like to mow dirty words in my lawn!
I like to go to Chuck E. Cheese's drunk!
I think indecision is the key to flexibility!
I think fat people use more soap!
I believe in Love...and Hate...at first sight!
I trust in God, but I lock my car!
I dream more when I'm awake!
I paint my toenails yellow!
I think nostalgia isn't what it used to be!
I sell oregano and catnip to junior high kids!
I go to the salon to have my chest hair permed!
I have a tattoo of a hickey on my neck!
I had my Chia Pet neutered!
I was blind…until I picked up my hammer and saw!
I pluck my eyebrows to look like Mr. Spock!
I volunteer at a soup kitchen but I never show up!
I think that happiness is merely the remission of pain!
I put duct tape on the stray cats that come into my yard!
I think whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed!
I used to snort cocaine until a 5 pound booger fell out of my nose!
I make chocolate Ex-Lax bunnies and distribute them at nursing homes at Easter!
I like to yell swear words when the bank teller leaves the drive-up window!
I think it is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money!
I think that suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism!

I may appear to be out of my mind, but feel free to contact me anyway. My email address is biffremington@yahoo.com

Thanks for visiting.